Drunk Stories

Drunk in Austin

There's a certain club that we can join if we try hard enough, and consume enough mind-altering beverages. This club is an elite group of people, marked by their like .... but perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. Some pre-drunken setup is in order.

I'm a huge Sister 7 fan, and on this given thursday night, I couldn't find anyone to go to the show with me. Screw it, I said, I'm going anyways. I arrive at the club (Mercury, above Jazz, in Austin) a little early. What to do? I, of course, start drinking. Captain Morgan and coke, in the requisite little plastic bitch-glass. Best $4 I've ever spent. Another one of those quickly followed the first, and I figured that since I still had about 45 minutes to showtime, that kind of pace was better suited to beer (since I did want to walk out of the club on my own power). Four negra modelo's later, Patrice Pike and the rest of the band took the stage, and we proceeded to rock the show.

Remember my comment just a minute ago about wanting to walk out of the club under my own power? I did that, but I sure as hell don't remember it. I didn't THINK that I had had all that much to drink (I've sure as hell had a LOT more), but apparently my system did not like the Captain meeting Mr. Modelo. I do not remember paying my tab (but I had my credit card back), I do not remember the end of the show, I do not remember leaving the club. What I do remember is trying to figure out 1. where my car was, and 2. how the HELL to get home, cause I sure as hell couldn't drive. These questions weighed heavily on my mind, and I decided to sit down for a second. Big mistake.

The next thing I know, I'm being shaken by a large, dark blue object, behind which are several large, brightly flashing red-and-blue objects, out of which are getting several other large, dark blue objects. Son? Son? What are you doing here? Mistake number one - I answered, "waiting for some friends to come get me."

The officer(s) laughed out loud at my drunk ass. "Son, I don't think your friends are coming." After a frisk-search, and some requiste questions about what the hell I was doing sleeping on the sidewalk, I was told that I was being taken to jail, because I was a danger to myself and to others (of course, my first thought was "danger?" I'm just trying to get my sleep on, but I didn't say anything). So, I spent the hours of 3:30 AM to Noon in the state holding facility in Austin, TX (that's the big brown building at 8th and I35). Sucked ass. But it get's better.

See, I didn't notice where I was passed out, but my citation (PI) said "1000 block of colorado". I'm not sure how familiar everyone is with Austin, but the 1000 block of Colorado is also the 1000 block of Congress. (get it yet?). As in, the first block away from the Capitol? (get it yet?). As in, the location of the residence of our esteemed govenor? The Govenor's mansion? Big-ass white building? Yeah, I was sleeping against the outer wall of the governor's mansion. Friends of mine said that I shoudl have told the cop I was just trying to crash with George.

So there ya go ... I'm a convicted felon. Actually, a convicted misdemeanorist (is that a word?). It's not on my record, as I spent four months on deferred adjudication. But it happened just that way. Moral of the story, kids, is don't drink alone. But the show was great.


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