Drunk Stories

Drunken Short Story #1

Okay, I was drunk. Not fall down, vomit drunk. But just drunk enough to think of myself as being prophetic and insightful. And that's when your at your the most dangerous point. When the brain stops running yet the body just keeps on going. I was at the Appletree grocery store in College Station. I can't recall why, but it must have been for something highly important: limes, sour mix, something like that. It was about three in the afternoon. A bit too early for the townies to see me visibly drunk, so I put on my most convincing sober persona and staggered about the store. When I made it up to the checkout line and steadied myself on the magazine rack, I noticed the girl in front of me. She was hot. Drop down, whip it out, gorgeous. Now, the normal modicum of charm that I rely on has long since washed away, and I decide my best course of action is to just keep my fool mouth shut. This strategy worked well enough, she bought her merchandise and was on her way to the exit when I observed the cashier checking her out as she left. And I, in what I thought was a subtle and quiet voice declared, "Yeah, I'd fuck her too." Evidentially, my volume level was not at where I thought it was, because upon hearing my glorious statement the girl turned and gave me an indescribable, Medusa like scowl. How does one respond to that, simple, put on the biggest shit-eating grin until she turns and storms away offended and furious. With that, I bought my groceries and left. Good times.

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