Drunk Stories


well here goes, a few weeks ago I had a bottle of fireball and I find it easy to drink, so I downed it in the big chugs, which I then proceeded to have drunken fun. The next day I was talking with my friends when one of them mentioned that I should do it in one chug. Me being the pushover that I am said "hell ya, that'd be sweet". So just the other day I had purchased another bottle of fireball and then proceeded to a year end party my friend was throwing. As soon as I had mentioned the feat I was about to attempt everyone gathered around. The pressure was on, I wasn't sure if I could do it or not but I'd sure as hell try. so bottoms up I went and downed 'er all in one chug, which was followed by several cheers and gasps.

Little did I know I was being video taped. I then headed to the bathroom to make sure I wouldn't puke up my liver and sat in there for about 10 minutes. At this point I was feeling alright, I was buzzing but capable of coherent thought and speech. I then proceeded out of the bathroom and into the pool room where I was greeted with many cheers for downing a 26oz in one go. after everyone quieted down a bit I then pulled six cents that I'm not sure how ended up in my pocket, and asked if anyone could find my a six cent whore. A few people giggled and others thought I was sick, but I thought it was funny and so did my good friends that were there.

I then went outside to fetch the bottle which I had dropped. Once I had picked up the bottle I stood up and turned around to be face-to-face with the other end of a camera. It startled me a little but once I knew what it was I thought it was a great idea. We then got a shot of me holding the bottle and an opening monologue. 20 minutes had passed by now and I was feeling good, real good. I then proceeded inside where I found an old friend which i had not seen in sometime, I sat down to talk to him and was butted by the blunt end of a pool cue directly below my eye socket. I diden't feel it but I knew it should hurt so I acted a little just to make sure I knew I was hit. 30 minutes had passed since I had downed the bottle and I was gone. I don't remember a thing from then on, but my luckily my friends got me on tape. After the pool cue incident, I began talking to a good friend of mine. By now I didn't really know aht i was doing, and I knocked his beer in his lap, he got a little upset at this and while I was trying to explain it to someone else he sneaked in a spill on my lap with the remaining beer he had. I, being absolutely pissed drunk, didn't notice. By now I had lost interest in talking with my friend and proceeded to some girls that I knew, obviously to try my hand at love, unsuccessful I might add. I started talking to her but then realized that I would in know way be able to carry on a conversation because her breasts were too large, which of course I told her. She was mighty impressed and left.

I then proceeded upstairs to tell my life story for some reason, not sure why really. I listed off my best friends and that they were awesome. I then pushed the man following me around with the camera into a dark room where I began to tell him that his girlfriend was the hottest thing I've ever seen, which I don't really believe, and then stumbled over a planter. I got a little aggrivated and took the camera from my friend and headed downstairs again. too bad I didn't make it all the way and fell half-way down. it's funny to watch on film. my friends decided I had had enough drunken fun for this eve and tried to take me home. I was carried out by two guys, one on either arm. They then put me in my car, passenger seat of course, and slammed my head in the door a few times before i was folded neatly into the seat. The window was rolled down and I hung my head out of it so I could watch the ground. not very smart, on the way home I was about a block away and only then did I decide it was time to puke. So we pulled the car over and I literaly flopped out of the car, hitting my head on the cirb, and rolled onto the grass. I laid there for a while knowing full well what was about to happen, but didn't care.

Then it hit me, I projectile vomitted about a foot before turning my head to vomit all over myself. mmmmmm. Well I couldn't have just gone home like this so my friends decided to at least take off all the chack soaked shirt I had on. this took a while cause I'm a big guy and my friends aren't the strongest in the world. When I finally did get my shirt off they found that I had finished heaving all my inards and they threw me into the back of a truck, as not to puke in my car (thanks guys). I then got to ride in the truck half-passed out unti I got home. When we arrived home, my friends stood me up at the end of the truck and steadied me for a second...but that second was all that I needed. I began to run for no aparent reason and dove off the street into a grassy plain. Things would've been alright had there not been a tree in the way, I corked my head on the tree and laid motionless for I was to drunk to do otherwise. My friends got a little concerned about my well being and began asking me if I could feel my legs. I had no clue so I didn't say anything, which made my friends think the worst, so they ran up to my house and rang the doorbell a few times to awake whoever would be home. fortunately it was my brother and not my mom, but it was still pretty bad. my brother came out and told me he was my worst nightmare and than dragged me (rather roughly) into my house.

He then threw me towards the toilet and fed me loads of water, which didn't stay down too well. it got to the point where I couldn't open my mouth anymore so he just poured it down my throat. Of course, there was a lot of noise and my mom came down and tried to help, but really didn't do anything. my brother told my mom to leave and I followed up by saying "fuck off mom". brilliant. I was then left till morning. thank god I survived. I still had to go to work that day in 10 minutes. so I quickly tried to shower and get ready to go. this took a while cause I was still thick pissed, but now I could handle it a little better. luckily today was a day that my boss was off and had the rest of the day to be drunk and hungover. I inspected myself to see what kind of damage I had done to myself. I mangled my face, my shoulder is fucked, my hip is scratched up and I can no longer turn my head to the right without it hurting. all in all, I thought it was a good night cause I didn't feel a thing during the night.

Drink what you can, puke what you can't. I know this VERY well.


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