Drunk Stories

What's behind door #3?

So it's my last weekend in Wisconsin before my internship at Kimberly-Clark ends and our group of co-ops decide to hit up the strip at Green Bay. Coincidentally it's also the night of the first preseason Packers game. Needless to say there would be quite a crowd out. So we do plenty of pre-party drinking before heading out. Then we piled into a minivan driven by Marie (aka 'mom') so we got to drink while driving there too. By the time we arrive my friend Bobby and I are 2 beers short of splitting a case. We hit a couple of bars, play some dart drink some Jaeger bombs (which was served in a cheap plastic shot glass so it landed sideways on the bottom the cup and tipped back over just as I finished the Red Bull and splashed down my shirt, happened to Bobby too). So anyway, seems like a normal night on the town. I'm running around talking to everyone, trying to make sure I stay with my group.

< insert gapping hole in memory, see details below >

It's now about 3:30 (I know this only b/c of the call log on my phone). I am walking down an alley in the warehouse district of Green Bay. I'm by myself and there is absolutely no one around. I don't know how I got there, but my clothes are all on normal and I'm not bruised up, so I didn't get jumped. I assume that I lost my friends and when the bars closed I just started walking. So I'm walking down this alley and finally realize there's no one around. So I call my friend Bobby. I don't know what I said, but we only talked for about 10 seconds when my cell phone battery died. I try to turn it back on . . . nothing. So I realize I ain't getting a ride home with my friends. So in my drunken stupor I decide I ought to see if I can open any of the doors in the alley. After a couple of locked doors, I get one the opens. Strangely enough there's insulation and drywall covering the whole entrance like they blocked off the door from the inside. Obviously my next action had to be to kick down the wall. So I knock a fairly good sized hole in it, enough to see in. I glance in there and can't see shit, it's just pitch black. I change my mind and decide that it'd probably be best not to go in there. So I wonder on down the alley for a while longer. I spot a dumpster. It wasn't the dumpster that caught my interest, but rather the fact that it was right next to a building with a low roof. For some reason I'm thinking that I should go on the roof. So I climb on the dumpster, jump from the dumpster and grab the ledge of the roof, and pull myself up. (I think that was quite a feat for a drunk-ass) So I start walking around the roof real stealth-like probably because I think someone will see me. Its one of those flat topped buildings coated with tar. I wonder the perimeter of the roof to see where all I can go. The roof tops of the buildings were really close together, so I jumped or crawled to other roofs as well. I get to a ledge, look across the alley, and see another roof. On the side of the building I see a fire escape ladder. The building was kind of 2 part, one part was about 3 stories high, the other being about 6. The fire ladder went up the 6 story side but got right next to the edge of the 3 story; close enough that I thought I could climb off the edge of the ladder to the roof. I don't know what was better about that roof but it was my goal to get there. So I continue my stealth-like prowl back to where the dumpsters where. I jump off the edge of the building onto the dumpster (which really scared me because I knew I was drunk and didn't know if I could land on a dumpster, but thank god I did). So I walk to this other building, climb onto a window ledge, jump from there to the ladder and climb the ladder to where the edge was. My plan succeeded, I was able to get onto the roof from there. Now that I had my glorious new roof I figured I'd scope the perimeter. I see no one on any streets. Not a car or anything. This place was dead. So about then I figure I may just as well go to sleep. So I lean against the wall of the taller half of the building and pass out. . . . . .

It's now morning. I was guessing really early morning because the sun wasn't up too high yet. But it was really bright and shining right on me (seeing how I was on a roof) so I couldn't sleep anymore. I figure it's about time to go. I climb back onto the fire escape. But before I go down I look up and see there's just one door with this staircase goes. Me being my wanting-to-open-every-door self figure I'd check this one out. The door is a little rusty as well as the handle. I give a hard tug and it opens! Just then I hear a really loud alarm go off from the other side of the building. I think for a split second that it could just be an alarm for something else going off coincidentally. But then I snap back into reality and realize I definitely just set off that alarm. I'm still pretty drunk so I freak out and run down the stairs, climb down the ladder, jump from the ladder to the ground and just start sprinting. I get about 2 blocks away and finally feel safe enough to walk. I can still hear the alarm blaring, even two blocks away. Then I see that I'm right by a river and there's a nice walking trail. I feel even safer on that so I walk down it. It leads finally to another street. I take that street and go over the bridge. I see a nice water fountain in front of a hotel. My hands are really dirty from all the climbing so I tried to wash them off in the fountain. It didn't work too good, but it was a start. I really felt like a hobo at this point.

I start to think that I should get a game plan instead of just walking mindlessly. I think to find highway 41 (the highway I know goes back to Appleton). I don't see any signs for it but I do see a highway 43 sign. I figure that's better than nothing. So I walk for about 30-45 minutes through town following these signs. Then I walk by a fire station. I think to myself that if there's anyone who can help me find 41, it's a fireman. I walk around the back and hear some guys talking. I see one guy and asked him where highway 41 was. He gave me some directions to sounded like a long way. I told him I was on foot and asked if there were any shortcuts I could take. I looks at me and says that he's just getting off work and he's going that way and would drop me off. That's exactly what I was hoping for. So he says he's got to get his things and I ask if I could get a drink of water. So I follow him in, walking past about 20 other fireman who gave me weird looks (which is understandable). I get my water and we take off. So fireman Keith drops me off on the side of the highway, which was about 5 miles from the station, I'm glad I didn't have to walk that. I thank him for the ride and start walking to the first exit so I can get some water and food for my long trip of hitch-hiking back home. I get the water and start walking down the highway, thumb in hitch-hiking position. I know that not many people pick up hitch-hikers so I set my expectations that I may be walking for a good 2 hours. After about 30 minutes my feet are hurting from the dress shoes. Finally a truck stops. It's an older Ford Ranger with one guy driving. I hop in and see the guy looks like a typical semi driver. Turns out he is a truck driver. He said he wasn't quite going to Appleton, but would take me to where he exited. I said that works for me. We get to talking and he's just kind of telling stories about truck driving and I tell him my story. He was a pretty normal guy. After a while he tells me he'll just run me all the way to Appleton. I said that would be great. He stopped for gas and I paid for the gas since he was gonna drive me home. So he took me all the way back to my apartment complex and said have a good day and took off. I was happy that I got home so quick. I go to my room, plug in my cell phone to tell my friends I made it home and empty my pockets. I find keys, wallet, cell phone, beef jerky, one life saver, and a big rock. I don't know where the life saver or rock came from. I guess I figured you never know when you could use a rock. My hands were virtually black and had scraps on them I guess from jump down from the building. My index finger was coated with dry blood from a cut. What a night.

Details of gapping hole in memory (as told by friends)
Everyone split up at one of the bars since there were 3 people that drove. I called my friend Bobby a couple of times explaining on his voicemail that I was really drunk and lost. He said he could barely understand what I was saying because it was so slurred. I did get a hold of them and they were trying to direct me to where their car was. After about 5 minutes I told them to just not worry about it. They figured that I got a ride with one of the other cars. I called them back a minute or two after and I think I was going to explain that I did need a ride, that's when the phone died. I was glad to hear this because I know now that I didn't get jumped and thrown in the alley or something.


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