Padre 4

Day 4: Trip to Mexico

Spring break at Padre isn't spring break at Padre without at least one trip to Mexico. It's Monday night and time to hit the road.

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I'll start by saying, no I didn't take that picture of Mike in his underwear. Hopefully it was one of the girls. But it is very accurate of how Mike walked around the condo most of the time. Don't ask me. Then it was time to hit the road. So there we are just cruising along at 70 and a cop nails us with a speed trap by putting a 55 zone for 1 mile in the middle of a 70 zone. Assholes. But I guess a trip to Mexico isn't a trip to Mexico without a fucking ticket.

Moving along you can see the razor wire that keeps the illegal immigrants in Mexico. The drunken, blurry picture says, "Sharp blades, Do not climb fence." Gotta love it.

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Here you can see the river they all try to swim across. We're not but 10 feet across the bridge when we hit the first line of beggars. So what do I do? Just snap a picture as I walk by her. Some say that's mean, but why does she deserve my hard-earned money?

We finally got to the club we were going to, Crazy Lazy's Disco. The first thing I have to do is the "Crazy Chair." Basically they tilt you back, pour Tequila down you're throat and then spin the hell out of you. Definitely worth the $2.

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After some good dancing and all-we-can-drink for 3 hours, it's 3am and time to head back to the U.S. There are some misc. pics of the herd of people moving across the border, some drunkenly chanting "U-S-A, U-S-A!" Those are my boys Omar and Stas in pic 26. In picture 27 you see clear evidence of John getting "clap" from a gutter-slut he snuck across the border, which just about got dropped off in the middle of nowhere for starting shit with my boy Mike (guy in pic 01). If I were 5'2" and 100 pounds I would not start shit with anyone but she tried to eye-gouge Mike's face while he's in the front seat. She's lucky we didn't throw her out of the car and run her over. Picture 33 shows Ben's impression of her. But I think he said it best when he looked at her while sitting with his hand on his chin, shook his head and said to her, "Damn you're ugly!" That just sums it up right there.

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More evidence of "clap." I guess he didn't want to show his face in shame that he would touch such a whore.

Moving along! It's now Tuesday afternoon. We've gone to the beach by the Radisson for the past 3 days and figured we'd take a day off to chill by the pool. I figured that I would spice things up a little. I've never been a big day drinker, thus never been trashed during the day. So that was my goal for the day. To make sure things went as planned I decided that I would only bong beers, not drink any. So 30 minutes goes by, we're chillin' by the pool. I've done 3 beer bongs, just starting off easy. So I get the bright idea, why not bong 2? So Mike starts pouring away. Then he says, "nah man, do 2 and half." He gets to 2 and a half and he says, "fuck it, do all three." So there I am in the pool got my 3 beers in the bong ready to go. So I say fuck it, and take 'em all down. No spilling or nothing. I think I impressed myself more than anyone else there. So then my roommate dave says, "I've done 3 before, I'll do 3 and a half." So of course with Mike pouring that turns into 4. So there Dave is with 4 beers lined up ready to go.

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You can see him going at it in the first two pictures there. But what you can't see is the 12 ounces of beer that Stas spilled when he lifted the bong higher. Nor do you get the full effect of Dave's stomach letting him know what it thinks of 4 beers in 15 seconds. I'll have to say that I don't think my body would have been any more cooperative if I tacked on a 4th beer.

Then a cool girl from Minnesota (pronounced Minnesooooota with the northern accent, I love it!) did a beer bong. You just have to respect a girl that can bong a beer. You can see me there on my continued quest of bonging more beers.

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Dave in the first pic. In the words of Mandy, the sexiest guy to walk the earth. I think he's a cool dude and all, but geez, she must have a thing going for him. Moving on, running 10 or so beers strong, I came up with the idea, "why wait for someone to hold the bong for me? I'll just do a 'self-bong!'" So there you have the newly invented, 'self-bong.'

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Sun is going down, time to get out of the pool. See, I wasn't drunk at all in the pool. It's when you get OUT of the pool that you get drunk. Obviously, I'm feeling it a little here. And just in time too since the sun was going down. That means it's time to run around to take pictures of random people that I talk to at our complex. Pic 58, not gay, just drunk and holding on to Omar so that I can stand long enough for a picture.

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Here are more just random pictures of people around the complex. It was about this time that I was completely trashed and running about 16 beers strong. In the words of all the guys I was with, this was the best couple of hours of the trip. They say I just ran around talking to all these people, making no sense at all but somehow managing to be hilarious about everything. In pic 64 I explain the concept of the 'self-bong' to people that I just walked up to.

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Random guys, another self-bong, random girls, Dave, and then there's these girls. I guess I met them by just walking into their condo. Don't know why, but I don't ask questions. This was at the peak of my drunkenness. To the point where I was just ranting on about all kinds of shit and making no since at all. It seriously took me 10 minutes to get all 3 names of the girls right in one sentence (I say all this 2nd hand from what was told to me).

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So these girls are cute and all but are just kind of bitchy. No, let me clarify. The chick in the middle was a total bitch. She couldn't stop going on about how she was engaged, yada yada yada. We don't fucking care! There were other kids there that were married but they still partied and had fun. Not talk about it 24-7 like their some time of goddess. Anyway, there were some other girls that I guess we don't have a picture of that had a video tape of me. I saw them the next day and they just started laughing. I kind of looked around thinking maybe my pepe was showing. But they said they watched the video and couldn't stop laughing from it. Unfortunately, I never got a chance to see it. I would definitely put it on here if I got the chance.

As for the last 4 pictures. You can see me passed out on the soft concrete which lasted about 10 minutes. I then moved inside (pic 75,76). Obviously I'm drunk to the point that I can't open my eyes. A few minutes later (about 6:30) I crashed on the floor where I stayed until my friends woke me up for the club at 10:30.

Definitely a crazy day and possibly the climax of the week. Though you can't really see the true craziness from just the pictures, you'll just have to relate to one you've had.

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