Daily Homerisms

Daily Homerisms Archive

December 2000

12/01/00 Download

Aah! Bogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun! Aarg! Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there maybe a boogieman or boogimen in the house.

12/02/00 Download

We got more gongs than the break-dancing robot that caught on fire.

12/03/00 Download

Ah, finally a little quiet time to read some of my old favorites...honey-roasted peanuts. Ingredients: salt, artificial honey-roasting agents, pressed peanut sweepings...mmm.

12/04/00 Download

Ah, the last peanut- overflowing with the oil and salt of its departed brothers.

12/05/00 Download

Homer: Hmm...ow, pointy! Eww, slimey. Uh oh, moving! Ah-ha! Oh, twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut.
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for good's and services.
Homer: Woo hoo!

12/06/00 Download

Well, boy, you won. So I'm going to live up to my side of the agreement: here's your turtle, alive and well.

12/07/00 Download

Homer: OK, hotshots, now that my daughter is on your team, I want to make a few things clear.
Lisa: Please, Dad, I'll be fine.
Homer: I don't want anyone to give her a hard time just because she's different: no jokes, no taunting... Look, that kid's got bosoms! Who's got a wet towel? Come here, you butterball.
Uter: Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!

12/08/00 Download

I asked for ketchup! I'm eating salad here.

12/09/00 Download

Marge: Guess what, Homey? There's going to be twice as much love in this house as there is now.
Homer: We're going to start doing it in the morning?

12/10/00 Download

Hey! Apu just called. This Friday, Lisa's team is playing Bart's team. You're in direct competition. And don't go easy on each other just because you're brother and sister. I want to see you both fighting for your parents' love!

12/11/00 Download

I'm wizzing with the door open, and I love it.

12/12/00 Download

No offense, Apu, but when they were handing our religions, you must have been out taking a wiz.

12/13/00 Download

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: He sold poison milk to school children.

12/14/00 Download

Marge: Oh Homer, I could never remarry.
Homer: Darn right. And to make sure, I want to be stuffed and put on the couch as a constant reminder of our marital oath.

12/15/00 Download

Marge: Anyway, it's time for the Church Picnic.
Homer: What? They had a picnic last week.
Marge: No, they didn't. You just brought a bucket of chicken to church.
Homer: If God didn't want us to eat in church, he would've made gluttony a sin.

12/16/00 Download

No, Lisa. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

12/17/00 Download

Lisa: That's very nice, Dad, but it's wrong for you to reward violent competitive behavior. However, I will sit up front with you if it's a fatherly gesture of love.
Homer: OK, hon. Sucker! Competitive violence, that's why you're here!

12/18/00 Download

Homer: Wow. I'll never drink another beer.
Man: Beer here!
Homer: I'll take ten.

12/19/00 Download

Homer: Burkina Faso? Disputed Zone? Who called all these weird places? Homer's Brain: Quiet, it might be you! I can't remember.
Homer: Naw, I'm going to ask Marge.
Homer's Brain: No, no! Why embarrass us both? Just write a check and I'll release some more endorphins.

12/20/00 Download

Jay: And you must be the man who didn't know if he had a pimple or a boil.
Homer: It was a gummi bear.

12/21/00 Download

Homer: Kids, there's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!
Bart: Isn't that the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!

12/22/00 Download

Marge: Homey, someone's at the door. They want to talk to you about some sort of car accident.
Homer: Take the kids out back. I'll handle this. [cocks gun]

12/23/00 Download

Ned: So, what happens next?
Homer: One day soon, I will come for you. And then the game will begin. Could be in the middle of the night ... could be when you least expect it. Or, whatever's good for you, I don't care.

12/24/00 Download

Marge: Oh, it looks the Flanders are having a nice Christmas.
Homer: Oh yeah? We'll show 'em. Come on kids, pretend we got new cross country skis.

12/25/00 Download

Now, let's see. This will make three Christmas's I saved versus eight I ruined. Two were kind of a draw.

12/26/00 Download

Hmm. I guess Bart's not to blame. Which is lucky, too, because it's spanking season, and I got a hankering for some spankering!

12/27/00 Download

Bart: No offense, Homer, but your half-assed underparenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed overparenting.
Homer: But I'm using my whole ass.

12/28/00 Download

Blame me if you must, but don't ever speak ill of the Program! The Program is rock solid! The Program is sound!

12/29/00 Download

Oh, How am I suposed to last 5 days without shooting something?

12/30/00 Download

Dad, you and your stories. Bart broke my teeth. The nurses are stealing my money. This thing on my neck is getting bigger.

12/31/00 Download

December 2000

Aah! Bogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun! Aarg! Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there maybe a boogieman or boogimen in the house.

We got more gongs than the break-dancing robot that caught on fire.

Ah, finally a little quiet time to read some of my old favorites...honey-roasted peanuts. Ingredients: salt, artificial honey-roasting agents, pressed peanut sweepings...mmm.

Ah, the last peanut- overflowing with the oil and salt of its departed brothers.

Homer: Hmm...ow, pointy! Eww, slimey. Uh oh, moving! Ah-ha! Oh, twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut. Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts! Homer: Explain how. Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for good's and services. Homer: Woo hoo!

Well, boy, you won. So I'm going to live up to my side of the agreement: here's your turtle, alive and well.

I asked for ketchup! I'm eating salad here.

Marge: Guess what, Homey? There's going to be twice as much love in this house as there is now. Homer: We're going to start doing it in the morning?

Hey! Apu just called. This Friday, Lisa's team is playing Bart's team. You're in direct competition. And don't go easy on each other just because you're brother and sister. I want to see you both fighting for your parents' love!

I'm wizzing with the door open, and I love it.

No offense, Apu, but when they were handing our religions, you must have been out taking a wiz.

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln? Homer: He sold poison milk to school children.

Marge: Oh Homer, I could never remarry. Homer: Darn right. And to make sure, I want to be stuffed and put on the couch as a constant reminder of our marital oath.

Marge: Anyway, it's time for the Church Picnic. Homer: What? They had a picnic last week. Marge: No, they didn't. You just brought a bucket of chicken to church. Homer: If God didn't want us to eat in church, he would've made gluttony a sin.

No, Lisa. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

Lisa: That's very nice, Dad, but it's wrong for you to reward violent competitive behavior. However, I will sit up front with you if it's a fatherly gesture of love. Homer: OK, hon. Sucker! Competitive violence, that's why you're here!

Homer: Wow. I'll never drink another beer. Man: Beer here! Homer: I'll take ten.

Homer: Burkina Faso? Disputed Zone? Who called all these weird places? Homer's Brain: Quiet, it might be you! I can't remember. Homer: Naw, I'm going to ask Marge. Homer's Brain: No, no! Why embarrass us both? Just write a check and I'll release some more endorphins.

Jay: And you must be the man who didn't know if he had a pimple or a boil. Homer: It was a gummi bear.

Homer: Kids, there's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way! Bart: Isn't that the wrong way? Homer: Yeah, but faster!

Marge: Homey, someone's at the door. They want to talk to you about some sort of car accident. Homer: Take the kids out back. I'll handle this. [cocks gun]

Ned: So, what happens next? Homer: One day soon, I will come for you. And then the game will begin. Could be in the middle of the night ... could be when you least expect it. Or, whatever's good for you, I don't care.

Marge: Oh, it looks the Flanders are having a nice Christmas. Homer: Oh yeah? We'll show 'em. Come on kids, pretend we got new cross country skis.