Daily Homerisms

Daily Homerisms Archive

January 2001

01/01/01 Download

That's fine for you, Marge, but I used to Rock 'N' Roll all night and party everyday. Then, it was every other day. Now, I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.

01/02/01 Download

Lisa: Are you sure you don't want me to hold one of your ice cream cones?
Homer: Pfft. Yeah, right. You chose fruit, you live with fruit.

01/03/01 Download

Come on, Maude, the human wang is a beautiful thing.

01/04/01 Download

Dig him up. Dip up that corpse. If you really love Jebediah Springfield, you'll haul his bones out of the ground to prove my daughter wrong.

01/05/01 Download

Bart: Dad, do I have to brush my teeth?
Homer: No, but at least rinse your mouth out with soda.

01/06/01 Download

Don't worry, Marge. America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well, all of Europe, but you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

01/07/01 Download

See you in hell, dinner plate.

01/08/01 Download

Oh, I'll kill myself if Portugal doesn't win.

01/09/01 Download

Salesman: But surely you can't put a price on your family's lives.
Homer: I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are.

01/10/01 Download

I don't have to be careful. I've got a gun.

01/11/01 Download

If I didn't have this gun, the King of England could just walk in here any time he wants, and start shoving you around. Do you want that? Huh? Do you?

01/12/01 Download

It seems if a gun can protect something as important as a bar, it's good enough to protect my family.

01/13/01 Download

All right, I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home, then I will murder him.

01/14/01 Download

Oh, my homemade Kahlua.

01/15/01 Download

But the main thing is: I've finally tapped into that spirit of self-destruction that makes Rock 'N' Roll the king of music.

01/16/01 Download

Man: Homer, this...this is never easy to say. I'm going to have to saw your arms off.
Homer: They'll grow back, right?
Man: Oh, er, yeah.
Homer: Whew!
Man: Homer, are you just holding onto the can?
Homer: Your point being?

01/17/01 Download

Please, please, kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil's got a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.

01/18/01 Download

Homer: Wait a minute, Skinner. How do we know some principal over in France isn't pulling the same scam you are!
Skinner: Well, for one thing, you wouldn't be getting a French boy. You would be getting an Albanian.
Homer: You mean, all white with pink eyes?

01/19/01 Download

Gentlemen, there's only one solution. We place this last donut in the reactor core, exposing it to radiation thereby making it big.

01/20/01 Download

D'Arcy: Hey, I wasn't a weirdo. I was in the audio-visual club.
Homer: Really? Me too! But I got kicked out 'cause of my views of Vietnam. Also, I was stealing projectors.

01/21/01 Download

Bart: Dad, you cannot wear that! That's a rastafarian hat.
Homer: Pft. Hey, I've been safariing since before you were born.

01/22/01 Download

Bart: Do you wear boxers or briefs?
Homer: Nope.

01/23/01 Download

Homer: Oh Lisa, it's just war games. It's not like a game could hurt me.
Homer's Brain: Damn you, Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. Can't we all just get along?

01/24/01 Download

It was a tumultuous time for our nation: the clear beverage craze gave us all a reason to live. The information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek. And the domestication of the dog continued unabated.

01/25/01 Download

It was a tumultuous time for our nation: the clear beverage craze gave us all a reason to live. The information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek. And the domestication of the dog continued unabated.

01/26/01 Download

My marketing plan attracted a record number of police and fire officials. But few stayed to bowl.

01/27/01 Download

Bart: Don't be a sap, Dad. These are just crappy knock-offs.
Homer: Pfft. I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see it. And look, there's Magnetbox and Sorny.

01/28/01 Download

Homer: Sold. You wrap it up, I'll start bringing in the pennies.

01/29/01 Download

Marge: Homer, please. I have to alter this suit so it looks different for tomorrow.
Homer: Just slap some bumper stickers on it and come to bed, will you, Marge?

01/30/01 Download

Burns: Oh, quit cogitating, Steinmetz, and use an open-faced club. The sand wedge!
Homer: Mmm... open-faced club sandwich.

01/31/01 Download

January 2001

That's fine for you, Marge, but I used to Rock 'N' Roll all night and party everyday. Then, it was every other day. Now, I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.

Lisa: Are you sure you don't want me to hold one of your ice cream cones? Homer: Pfft. Yeah, right. You chose fruit, you live with fruit.

Come on, Maude, the human wang is a beautiful thing.

Dig him up. Dip up that corpse. If you really love Jebediah Springfield, you'll haul his bones out of the ground to prove my daughter wrong.

Bart: Dad, do I have to brush my teeth? Homer: No, but at least rinse your mouth out with soda.

Don't worry, Marge. America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well, all of Europe, but you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

See you in hell, dinner plate.

Oh, I'll kill myself if Portugal doesn't win.

Salesman: But surely you can't put a price on your family's lives. Homer: I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are.

I don't have to be careful. I've got a gun.

If I didn't have this gun, the King of England could just walk in here any time he wants, and start shoving you around. Do you want that? Huh? Do you?

It seems if a gun can protect something as important as a bar, it's good enough to protect my family.

All right, I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home, then I will murder him.

Oh, my homemade Kahlua.

But the main thing is: I've finally tapped into that spirit of self-destruction that makes Rock 'N' Roll the king of music.

Man: Homer, this...this is never easy to say. I'm going to have to saw your arms off. Homer: They'll grow back, right? Man: Oh, er, yeah. Homer: Whew! Man: Homer, are you just holding onto the can? Homer: Your point being?

Please, please, kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil's got a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.

Homer: Wait a minute, Skinner. How do we know some principal over in France isn't pulling the same scam you are! Skinner: Well, for one thing, you wouldn't be getting a French boy. You would be getting an Albanian. Homer: You mean, all white with pink eyes?

Gentlemen, there's only one solution. We place this last donut in the reactor core, exposing it to radiation thereby making it big.

D'Arcy: Hey, I wasn't a weirdo. I was in the audio-visual club. Homer: Really? Me too! But I got kicked out 'cause of my views of Vietnam. Also, I was stealing projectors.

Bart: Dad, you cannot wear that! That's a rastafarian hat. Homer: Pft. Hey, I've been safariing since before you were born.

Bart: Do you wear boxers or briefs? Homer: Nope.

Homer: Oh Lisa, it's just war games. It's not like a game could hurt me. Homer's Brain: Damn you, Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. Can't we all just get along?

It was a tumultuous time for our nation: the clear beverage craze gave us all a reason to live. The information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek. And the domestication of the dog continued unabated.

It was a tumultuous time for our nation: the clear beverage craze gave us all a reason to live. The information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek. And the domestication of the dog continued unabated.

My marketing plan attracted a record number of police and fire officials. But few stayed to bowl.

Bart: Don't be a sap, Dad. These are just crappy knock-offs. Homer: Pfft. I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see it. And look, there's Magnetbox and Sorny.

Homer: Sold. You wrap it up, I'll start bringing in the pennies.

Marge: Homer, please. I have to alter this suit so it looks different for tomorrow. Homer: Just slap some bumper stickers on it and come to bed, will you, Marge?

Burns: Oh, quit cogitating, Steinmetz, and use an open-faced club. The sand wedge! Homer: Mmm... open-faced club sandwich.

But Marge, valets! Maybe for once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

Lisa: Are you sure you don't want me to hold one of your ice cream cones?
Homer: Pfft. Yeah, right. You chose fruit, you live with fruit.

Bart: Dad, do I have to brush my teeth?
Homer: No, but at least rinse your mouth out with soda.

Salesman: But surely you can't put a price on your family's lives.
Homer: I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are.

Man: Homer, this...this is never easy to say. I'm going to have to saw your arms off.
Homer: They'll grow back, right?
Man: Oh, er, yeah.
Homer: Whew!
Man: Homer, are you just holding onto the can?
Homer: Your point being?

Homer: Wait a minute, Skinner. How do we know some principal over in France isn't pulling the same scam you are!
Skinner: Well, for one thing, you wouldn't be getting a French boy. You would be getting an Albanian.
Homer: You mean, all white with pink eyes?

D'Arcy: Hey, I wasn't a weirdo. I was in the audio-visual club.
Homer: Really? Me too! But I got kicked out 'cause of my views of Vietnam. Also, I was stealing projectors.

Bart: Dad, you cannot wear that! That's a rastafarian hat.
Homer: Pft. Hey, I've been safariing since before you were born.

Bart: Do you wear boxers or briefs?
Homer: Nope.

Homer: Oh Lisa, it's just war games. It's not like a game could hurt me.
Homer's Brain: Damn you, Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. Can't we all just get along?

Bart: Don't be a sap, Dad. These are just crappy knock-offs.
Homer: Pfft. I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see it. And look, there's Magnetbox and Sorny.

Marge: Homer, please. I have to alter this suit so it looks different for tomorrow.
Homer: Just slap some bumper stickers on it and come to bed, will you, Marge?

Burns: Oh, quit cogitating, Steinmetz, and use an open-faced club. The sand wedge!
Homer: Mmm... open-faced club sandwich.