Dumbfuck #2 - Matt

First off...Betik, you should be shot for not whooping. Any Pisshaed worth his or her salt wouldn't be caught dead using that wildcat somewhere other than in front of sadistic upperclassmen. That brings me to the heart of this rant: the freshman and sophomore wildcats at Texas A&M University. Now, having finished my fish year, I must say that I have good memories, but none of them involved that stupid wildcat! What can possibly be cool about running around like a chicken with your head cut off screaming AAAAAAAAAAAAAY so loud that you fear your appendix may burst on the spot. Yeah, it gets attention, but it's the wrong kind of attention. In an ideal world the girls would be saying, "Aww lookit 'im. He's so cute." But we don't live in an ideal world (how else can you explain Interstate Highways?). In the somewhat harsh world of reality it really goes something like this. "Look at that little guy. He's kinda cute, but he looks like a moron running around screaming with his arms above his head. Let's laugh at him. " At him, not with him. I almost feel sorry for the fish (I did when i was one) every time I hear that shrill, female-repelling sound coming out of their mouths. But, sadly, ours isn't much better. We don't have to run, but ours actually manages to sound even more annoying than what we were stuck with last year. Instead of being elevated to the point of whoop, we are instead stuck with AY-AY-AY-AY-AY-AY-AY! The latter said with much force and a little bit of a hickish twang, and the end result is all the other upperclassmen yelling at us to shut up. Yeah, we whoop all the time, but that's only when those same sadistic upperclassmen aren't standing around looming over us. And to top it all off, we make these motions with our hands like we're packing a copenhagen can. What's the significance of that? Why does that motion have more special meaning than, say, flipping off the idiot who came up with the thing in the first place. I can just see it...a thousand Pissheads wildcatting and flipping off the world on national TV during football games. They'd have to put one of those little warnings up before the game started. "May not be suitable for younger audiences." So, there you have it. Other than pulling out, we are forced to endure two years of wildcatting hell before we reach the mecca that is the whoop. That's another thing. Whooping has a name, what is the name for the fish and Pisshead wildcats? Can you tell me...? Exactly, they don't have a name. They're just called, respectively, the freshman wildcat and the sophomore wildcat. Whoo-hoo! That's creative . How about another one-fingered salute to the genius that came up with that one. Here ya go, sir. Enjoy. Oops, forgot my name.

Matt Hejnicki
Pisshead '03 WHOOP!